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PermissionLESS Spotlight: Amy Schumacher

Hellloooo! I’m back with another Spotlight interview, and I’m super excited for this one! Amy is an actor, producer, and wielder of swords; she’s also a co-creator of Trials of Ember with Jayme Wojciechowski, who we had in the prior spotlight!

She’s inspiring, has impressive work ethic, and is constantly pushing forward to bring her projects to fruition. Through her journey, she shares interesting perspectives on success, failure, focus, and the power of collaboration. Let’s get to it.

Actor, Producer: Amy Schumacher

Where are you from, and what was the journey like to Los Angeles?

I hail from Seattle, Washington. While earning my BA in theatre at the University of Washington, I also competed on the National Championship Rowing Team. After a bad rowing injury changed my trajectory I found myself on a new path. I traveled to Tashkent, Uzbekistan, to study at the prestigious Ilkhom Theatre School of Drama, a Russian acting conservatory, where I earned my MFA. Upon returning to Seattle, I bounced around the theatre circuit for a couple of years, earning a living by coaching and personal training. It wasn’t until I transitioned into producing that I was able to move to Los Angeles.

How long ago did you move to Los Angeles? What was the transition like? A lot of people want to make the leap and move here, but it can be pretty intimidating.

I cannot believe I’ve been in LA for over 4 years. I love it here! That was not always the case. My first year was hard. Really hard. I went back to Seattle for several weeks and hit STOP for a moment. I check in with myself and understood that I wanted to be in L.A., 100%. That commitment made everything feel so much better. My approach was different, motivated, impassioned. I was ready.

Do you have any advice for others who plan on throwing risk to the wind and making the leap to a new city?

My first piece of advice is to try not to live in both places emotionally. Of course I have people I love back home. I hold a very special place in my heart for Seattle. I love my city, but it wasn’t until I stopped wanting to be in Seattle, while living in Los Angeles, that I was able to thrive here. Once you are here you have to go all in. This is not a town to ‘sort of give it a try’. As actors we learn to make strong character choices. Grey area just doesn’t work. Same goes for the commitment to live in L.A.

I heard from several people that it would take about 2 years to feel like you had footing in this town. Honestly, that was true for me too. I accepted all the advice I could get, I studied other people’s paths, and went to workshops and meet ups. This was all really great, but everyone’s path is really different. You just have to find what works for you. NOT because you think you should do it, but because it fulfills your soul. Otherwise, I can’t imagine how one would stick around here.

Do you find that mentorship in the entertainment industry has been something that’s helped you along the way? Do you have any personal advice as to how one can go about finding a mentor for a new endeavor they’re wanting to embark on, whether it’s self producing, or something in a radically different field?

Yes! I joined a few groups like, Women In Film and We Make Movies. These groups allowed me to meet new people, make friends and find like minded artists. Taking classes in a field of your interest is really helpful as well.

However, above all, collaborating with other artists has been the most beneficial for me. Not only do I get create my own work and learn a lot in the process, it’s fulfilling.

Finding your inner confidence, your voice, and loving yourself is definitely key in living a PermissionLESS life and feeling confident that you’ll find your way. Can you talk a little bit about any defining moments in your life where you started to realize and trust in your potential?

This is hard to answer because I do find myself in positions where I feel less confident. Risk taking is part of what makes being a producer and actor so exhilarating. However, I do occasionally find myself wondering, “how did I get here!”, “what am I doing?!”.

I practice meditation and one of the best and most challenging elements is removing negative self reflection. I really try to avoid that. Actually, let me say, I DO avoid that. When something feels vulnerable, scary, or new, I try to sit in those feelings and navigate the waters with a positive attitude.

This also goes back to why I love to collaborate. I collaborate most often with people I absolutely trust and love. I find when I can encourage my partner to believe in themselves, I find my strength as well. We lift each other up. What’s better than that?!

What would you say has been your most challenging obstacles when it comes to blazing your own path in entertainment through self producing?

This is going to sound like one of those answers we’re told to say in an interview;

Interviewer: What would you say is your worst habit?

Interviewee: I care too much.

I want to do it all! I want to be an action actor! I love big budget action flicks. I also love really vulnerable, quiet, authentic indy film. I also love comedy! I think I’m good at comedy. I do a lot of improv. Wouldn’t it be cool to be a recurring on a sitcom? Yup!

The question is, where do I focus my energy and time. What characters do I create for myself to best display my skills, while also making sure I am committing to projects that fulfill my soul.

One tough lesson I’ve had to learn is that I need to teach the industry how I want to be seen. Long story short, my biggest challenge is deciding what to create.

A lot of people view our industry as difficult because of all the “gatekeepers.” I think gatekeepers are bullshit. Self producing is a form of living PermissionLESS, because we’re out there creating our own work and not letting anybody stop us. You have full control over your series right now. Where do you see the project going?

Please note that I did not mention one of my producing challenges is finding a team as passionate as I am. Working with Jayme on Trials of Ember is awesome! We work very well together. Because of that I think this project can fly!

Did I ever see myself standing on a mountain in 100 degree weather, wielding swords with my good friend? Well actually, maybe I did! But either way, “gatekeepers” are bullshit! Maybe I saw myself doing those things, but did this industry? Probably not.

Trials of Ember features a strong female character, who is a badass without question. Among several amazing artists on this project, the choreography was created by Jan Bryant, a real life badass, without question! If we let stereotypes, stigmas and “gatekeepers” stop us this project wouldn’t exist.

The goal is to create a 6 part series in both 2D and VR. It’s very exciting and also a little scary. For me it’s entering a world that I am not sure I ever envisioned myself. I am learning about VR and creating a fantasy series, both relatively new to me. Not only do we get to choose what happens with this project, we also get to create the world in which these characters live. We are making up the rules and it is so fun! And a little scary. I am trying to enjoy the ride and learn as much as possible along the way.

Do you have any failures that you truly feel shaped and paved the way for your successes with Trials of Ember?

Here I am again with another “How To Nail An Interview For Dummies” type answer.

Can we fail in this industry? If we really try, commit to something and give it 100%, can it be failure? I think it’s just a learning lesson.

As we’ve progressed with this project we’ve pivoted a little here and there. We’ve learned more and more about navigating this type genre, but I don’t think we’ve failed anywhere.

A Buddhist Nun, whom I respect immensely, once said, “Just because something is hard doesn’t mean you’re not good at it.” That has stuck with me. I love it!

Okay, okay, I have one! There was a migration of thousands of tiny, tiny flies when we were shooting Stage One out on the mountain, in the middle of nowhere. Not one person had bug spray. That was an epic fail! So many bugs! Seriously, so many!

Most of our PermissionLESS readers and listeners are riding the lines between biz and creative, and carving their own paths without much guidance. When you’re self producing, sometimes you have to wear a few different hats, more so than someone who is coming in as purely an actor, or purely a producer. Any advice for juggling both sides of the biz?

It can be tough! As an actor it can be really hard to stand on set of a project you produced and not have your producer hat on. This is where having a team of people you trust is extremely important.

Also, I get very wrapped up in projects.. I am passionate, dedicated and focused. When that happens it is challenging to still find time to commit to going to other auditions, checking in with my agent, and doing the day to day actor work. I am still working on finding that balance.

Speaking of self producing , your latest release, Trials of Ember, has a VR component. Virtual Reality, for as mainstream as it might appear right now, is still relatively new and hasn’t been experienced by the majority. Have you found any challenges with working in a new medium and learning as you go? What has helped you overcome some of the obstacles?

VR is new for me too. One of my challenges is sitting back, listening and learning, while also really wanting to contribute. Jayme and I are both very in tune with how we want the audience to feel. This is a big factor in creating a successful VR experience.

We are also very thankful that we have a director, Steven LaMorte, who is very familiar with the world. He has been producing, directing and editing VR for years. With his grasp of this type of content and the help of Selena Vidya, we have a very well rounded team!

You’re a trained swordsman and perform your own stunts, which a) is badass, because unfortunately as an industry it’s less common to see women actors with a weapons training background and 2) is such a unique sport to take up. What drew you to it originally? How long have you been doing it?

I have been saying I wanted to do stunts since I was about 10 years old. I started creating obstacle courses in my backyard at a very young age. I wanted to create a character and then run and jump around like a badass! Thankfully I have a little brother who humored this mischief.

I’ve been an athlete my whole life and movement has been a huge part of my career. In undergrad I was drawn to movement and dance pieces. In Grad School I had a lot of training in swords, acrobatics, School of Lecoq. When I got to L.A. and found Academy of Theatrical Combat, everything sort of dropped into place. I also met Jayme there!

I’ve been on this path my entire life, whether I knew it, or not.

GENERAL QUESTIONS

What’s your underlying “theme” that’s followed you throughout your endeavors and basically lights a fire under you to keep you on the path that you’re on? (for instance, mine is storytelling and community – everything I do, work on, or build involves that in some way):

I like this question! I want to think about this further. Off the top of my head, I think mine is collaboration.

Rowing is a collaborative sport. If you don’t move and work together, you can’t succeed. My favorite quote from George Pocock (one of the “Gods” of rowing) is, “Harmony, Balance, Rhythm. There you have it, that is what life is all about.” Rowing was one the first things in my life that lit a fire in me. Where I sit today is all very reflective of that.

Producing, performing and collaborating with fellow creatives gives me harmony, balance and rhythm! So there ya have it, that is my underlying theme!

Thank you for asking this question! (You’re welcome – It’s one of my faves too! – Selena)

What’s a fun ritual, activity, or thing you do when you need to pull yourself out of being heads down in work, or just a general funk?

MEDITATION! Yes, I go to a center for guided meditation, but for me this can also be hiking, boxing, or even spending time with people I love. I am surrounded by some really special people.

How do you deal with fear or uncertainty when you’re working on something that’s in unchartered waters?

That is Trials of Ember in a nutshell. It’s exhilarating! I keep saying it, but having people around me to lift me up is very helpful. I don’t always know what I am doing, but I do know I have to try.

Which of these PermissionLESS Mantra words do you feel got you where you are now, and which do you want to build upon? BOLDNESS, ADAPTABILITY, FEARLESSNESS, CONFIDENCE

Adaptability is a recurring theme in my life. From moving overseas, to adjusting back in Seattle, to launching myself into L.A., adapting is a key to success. I believe it to be a strong asset.

Fearlessness – Fear of success is a real thing. It’s scary to jump to the next tier in this industry. Stakes get higher and that’s scary. I want to make sure I am not holding myself back because of this fear. That requires and occasional gut check.

What are two badass songs that get you energized and vibing high?

Whoa! Tough one! Music is so visceral, isn’t it? A song plays and I am instantly back to where I first heard it, or a time where I played it on repeat. Music is very important in my life.

Grad school was a really tough time. There are a few songs that I listened to pretty incessantly. They got me through standing backstage, about to go on and wondering what am I doing?! These songs have a special place in my soul. I’m going to keep them to myself. Is that weird? Maybe. Still not gonna tell ya!

Who is someone that you feel truly lives PermissionLESS (it could be anyone – someone you don’t know, someone you do know, etc) and would love to see interviewed?

Another tough one! I know many people who are making bold moves, working to change this industry and tackling tough issues. I’m thankful to be surrounded by awesome people! However, I am going to take the easy way out and tell you that I think Helen Mirren is an incredible inspiration.

Where to find you, and any projects you’re currently working on?

I recently shot two new projects that are both in post production. Exciting, action film pieces. Keep an eye out for updates at – amyschumacher.net and @amyroseschu – Across all social media. Trials of Ember can be found at @trialsofember on all social media, as well as trialsofember.com.

PermissionLESS Spotlight: Filmmaker Jayme Wojciechowski

Helllooooo everyone! While season 2 is currently in production, I’ve been digging in with some written interviews. Jayme Wojciechowski is an actor, filmmaker, stuntman and friend that I met many years ago. He’s not only an incredible human with unique perspectives, but he’s also had life experiences all over the map and has been pushing through challenges to grow his creative career on his own terms. I think you’re really going to love this interview with him, and be inspired to get out there and make sh*t happen!

Filmmaker, Actor, Stuntman: Jayme Wojciechowski

First off, where are you from, and what was the journey like to Los Angeles?

I am originally from Buffalo, NY, but since college I have been a bit of a vagabond. I live in Chicago for 4 years and then moved overseas where I spent time living in Scotland and London. I then took the plunge and moved to Los Angeles a little over four years ago.

I know you lived and studied acting abroad (Scotland) for quite some time, which is something a lot of people wish they could do, but feel scared to take that leap. What was it like getting used to a different culture and going to school in another country?

Studying and living in the UK was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life. I have always loved traveling and experiencing new cultures, so it felt very natural for me. I thrive and feel most at home in very diverse environments, and the best part of training overseas was being surrounded by people from a plethora of different countries and walks of life. It really forces you to open up your mind. I’d recommend spending time abroad to anyone who is contemplating. I also just started learning Japanese so I can eventually spend a year or two in Japan training in various Buddhist Martial Arts.

Do you have any advice for people wanting to make a major move somewhere that they’re unfamiliar with when pursuing a dream?

Do your research. Make sure to you have a basic understanding of the culture before you arrive. Make sure your economic situation allows you not only to move but to actually put your focus on pursuing the reasons you are moving. Familiarize yourself as much as possible before you get there. Social media and the internet make it quite easy. The quicker you can fully immerse yourself in your new environment, they faster you will adapt. This is particularly true for big cities like Los Angeles, New York and Chicago. The people I know who did their research before moving thrived much quicker than those who did not.

I’ve never really been a fan of “mentorships” in the traditional sense. Collaboration has personally been much more beneficial and educational in my experience. I think the problem with “mentorships,” for me, is that they often feel like one way relationships. I also find that most professionals in the industry are just too busy to mentor, unless they are also benefiting from the mentorship in some way.

My advice for anyone looking for mentors is to reflect on what you can bring to the table. This way the relationship is mutually beneficial and feels more like a collaboration between professionals, instead of an expert being asked to simply show a newbie the ropes. Once you understand what you are able to bring to the table, it’s amazing how easy it becomes to build relationships with people you once thought were completely out of reach. Relationships as professional collaborators instead of teacher/student.

This is a hard question for me because I do not view myself as overly confident. I have always been the type to feel incredibly insecure about my potential. As a kid I often wondered why I seemed to have a habit of putting myself in incredibly vulnerable situations (like performing) when my insecurities often made these situations feel excruciatingly painful. Then in college, I started a meditation practice that led me to realize there were two parts of my personality in constant conflict. The insecure side of me that lacked confidence was often challenged by a side of me that was desperate to prove myself and succeed. I then noticed that these insecurities were often fueling my drive to succeed. So, I guess I can say that in many ways it is my awareness of my insecurities that helps me trust my potential and drive.

That was a bit of a rant, but I guess a simpler answer to the question is that starting a Zen meditation practice in college was a defining moment in my life. It cultivated a practice of self reflection that allows me to trust in myself and use both my positive and negative traits to live PermissionLESS.

What would you say has been your most challenging obstacles when it comes to blazing your own path in entertainment through self producing?

My own self doubt has been the only obstacle when it comes to self-producing. I had always wanted to self produce, but spent years making excuses why I couldn’t. For awhile I convinced myself it was because it was impossible to find a team as dedicated as myself. Then I told myself it was financially impossible. Eventually my desire to make it happen overpowered my long list of excuses. That was also around the time that Amy asked If I was interested in writing and producing a short with her. So, I did.

The stigma around gatekeepers are bullshit. I think the problem with the idea of “gatekeepers” is that most people seem to think of “gatekeepers” as an enemy that is creating obstacles to success. “Gatekeepers” do exist, but they are actually here to help us succeed. But they are unable to help us until we stop seeing them as an enemy and start seeing them as a valuable resource.

When I self-producer, I in many ways become a gatekeeper. I am in charge of hiring my actors, crew, creatives, etc. Like every other industry professional I know, I always look through my network first. If I’m casting and I have a choice between an actor I have a relationship with versus an actor I have no experience with, I am almost always going to pick the actor I have a relationship with. Why? Because I know that they can do the job. Now, let’s say that two years down the road I’ve now had that other actor audition for me multiple time and he always deliver a killer audition. Then randomly one evening I hear that actor just worked on a film with a friend of mine. I ask my friend about that actor and my friend says the actor is both reliable and professional on set. Now I trust that actor I once was unsure about, and I’m eager to work with him on my next project. This is how the industry works and how gatekeepers can be used to our benefit. They are not here to stop us, they are hoping we build relationships with them through our consistent, solid and professional work. They want to have a relationship with professional and talented creatives! It makes their job so much easier!

As for ‘Trials of Ember,’ the goal is to complete a 6 episode webseries in both 2D and 3D VR formats, then produce a feature.

It’s funny because as a creator, I try to never have full control. It scares me. I thrive under restrictions, so having no set boundaries or people I’m accountable to makes me feel unfocused. I also feel sharing control feels more collaborative and creates better work. What’s nice about self-producing is that I am the one who gets to choose who I share control with.

Do you have any failures that you truly feel shaped and paved the way for your successes with Trials of Ember?

I don’t mean to sound overly woo woo, but I don’t really believe in failure. I think the problem with labeling things as failures and successes is that it’s based on current perception. Things I once considered failures, I so often later view as a success. I’ll give a quick example. I few years ago I tried to help get a new type of production company off the ground. For a year, I dedicated most of my time and energy to have the entire thing implode. I could have easily seen that as a failure, but instead I focused on how I could use the experience to keep moving forward. Without that experience, there is no way I would have taken the plunge to write and produce Trials of Ember. So, even though the company was falling apart felt like a fail at the time, when I look at it now, I see it as a huge success because of where it led me to.

Trials of Ember was originally meant to be exclusively a traditional 2D webseries. After we produced the first webisode, we thought it would be fun to incorporate a VR element since the story takes place in a VR world. We then produced a VR teaser that gave fans an immersive look at the sword fights from the first webisode.

I knew almost nothing about VR when we started Trials of Ember, but luckily our director, Stephen LaMorte, had been directing and producing VR content for years. We also brought the incredible host of PermissionLess, Selena Vidya, on as our VR producer. Making sure we collaborated with people who had worked in VR and understood the challenges made the process incredibly smooth. We basically told Steven and Selena what our ideas were and they came up with the ways to make it happen. In other words, I passed on all the challenges to people who knew how to execute them.

I think VR was also a natural fit for myself and Amy. We are both action actors with strong background is physical theatre, so we both tend to think in terms of movement and how movement affects an audience. That is critical when trying to create an immersive VR experience.

Our VR camera did decide to overheat during filming which resulted in us failing to get our last shot. But it worked out because instead the viewer now get that creepy moment where they stand face to face with Ember. Another example of a “failure” being a secret success.

You’re a swordsman and stuntman; one of things that sets Trials of Ember apart (to me) is that both you and Amy are doing your own swordfighting for the series, and the VR content, rather than actors trying to learn it as they go for the shot. What originally drew you to the swordfighting and stunt side? How long have you been doing it?

I’ve been doing martial arts (Aikido / Kempo Arnis) and fencing for over 20 years, and have been specifically doing stunt training for 12 years. As a kid, my favorite part of martial arts was when I was able to perform demos at competitions. For those who don’t know, demos are basically fight scenes that are choreographed and performed to showcase a martial artist at a competition. I was also obsessed with japanese anime and martial arts movies. I dreamed of becoming one of those actors who got to do all the crazy cool fights. When I decided to go to college for acting, I ended up picking Columbia College Chicago due to it having the best stage combat department in the world. I then continues my training in the UK and since moving to LA, I have been training and working with the Academy of Theatrical Combat. This is where Amy and I first met.

Most of our PermissionLESS readers and listeners are riding the lines between biz and creative, and carving their own paths without much guidance. When you’re self producing, sometimes you have to wear a few different hats, moreso than someone who is coming in as purely an actor, or purely a producer. Any advice for juggling both sides of the biz?

I learned very quickly that in order to create content I’m proud of, I can only wear one hat at a time. Of course I can switch to a different hat as often as I need, but as soon as I try to wear more than one hat at the same time, things become chaotic. This is why I always make sure to put together a team I trust and can rely on. This way I don’t need to be juggling wearing multiple hats at once.

This can be difficult for many creatives who want full control of their project. That is why trust is so important. Trying to control everything is a sure fire way to drive yourself crazy. Having a team of people you trust, that you can delegate responsibilities to will allow you to focus on what’s most important in each moment. This is the only way I remain sane through the process.

GENERAL QUESTIONS

“Life begins at the end of your comfort zone.” This has always been a favorite quote of mine. Whenever I am acting, fighting, writing or producing, I always try to make the choices that most challenge and expand my comfort zone. There is something I find incredibly empowering about becoming comfortable with being uncomfortable. It allows me to be constantly surprising myself, and I love surprises.

What’s a fun ritual, activity, or thing you do when you need to pull yourself out of being heads down in work, or just a general funk?

I kind of mentioned it a few times already, but I have a rule about constantly stepping outside my physical, intellectual and emotional comfort zone. Over the years I have developed multiple rituals and hobbies to help me accomplish this. These include meditation, crossfit, powerlifting, learning new languages, reading the latest scientific journals, watching the saddest movies I can find.

How do you deal with fear or uncertainty when you’re working on something that’s in uncharted waters?

Embrace it. Uncharted waters are supposed to be scary and fear inducing. That’s what makes successfully swimming in them so rewarding. I also make sure to collaborate with people who have swam the waters, or at the very least are interested in exploring them with me for the first time.

Which of these PermissionLESS Mantra words do you feel got you where you are now, and which do you want to build upon?-BOLDNESS, ADAPTABILITY, FEARLESSNESS, CONFIDENCE

All those years being overly concerned about what others thought of me caused me to develop on incredibly beneficial skill; adaptability. Adaptability is also the most important skill I look for when I am looking for people to collaborate with. The entertainment industry is all about collaboration, and collaboration only works when those involved are adaptable. I can easily collaborate with artists who lack boldness, fearlessness or confidence, but collaborating with someone who is not adaptable never works.

I think working on my confidence will be my life’s work. And I’m okay with that.

What are two badass songs that get you energized and vibing high?

Wow, this is a hard one. I’m going to cheat a bit on this question. The first song is actually the entire Bjork album, Vespertine. It’s really just one epically long love song. There is something about the intricate beats Bjork produced for the album that instantly brings me to a state of energized curiosity.

Lately, I find myself also listening to Dog Years, by Maggie Rogers, on repeat for hours at a time.

Who is someone that you feel truly lives PermissionLESS (it could be anyone – someone you don’t know, someone you do know, etc) and would love to see interviewed?

Wow, just one? I know so many incredible people who truly live PermissionLESS. If I have to pick just one, then I’d say Cat LaCohie (aka Vixen DeVille). She is an actor, burlesque dancer, creator, and all around badass who’s dedicated to empowering others to love themselves, their bodies, and life itself. Interview her immediately! (ON IT! – Selena)

Where to find you, and any projects you’re currently working on?

I’m on most social media at @jaymewoj. Trials of Ember can be found on all major social media platforms at @trialsofember and at trialsofember.com.

Channeling Fear to Make Sh*t Happen

FEAR. Forget Everything And Run? Forever Experiencing Actual Regret? Both are true, and both fiercely suck. Fear is many things to many people, and for most, it’s a stopping point. A line in the sand. An invisible opponent that they dare not cross. For all of this, fear actually DOES have a psychological/survival purpose… we just need to know how to manage it so it doesn’t hinder us in life, because the fear monster is REAL, you guys.

Now that we have the negative heavy stuff out of the way about fear, I’ll also mention that fear can prevent us from experiencing some of the most awesome, amazing, joyous, OMGTHISREALLYHAPPENED feelings in life when we submit to it. Sometimes I’ve let it limit me and other times I said F it, threw caution to the wind, and let my sailboat head towards the horizon while loosely adjusting the sail to navigate any possible danger.

I’m a big believer that we may miss one chance, only to have another prove itself better and more valuable. I also happen to believe that it sucks when we submit to fear and limit the magic that we’re capable of, over and over again. The only thing that should be a recurring character in your story is the willingness to take chances and experience things you never thought you would. Some of the most random, unexplainable opportunities have manifested out of nowhere the past year (okay, maaaaybe not out of nowhere… I was working hard and manifesting that ish, but things just kinda aligned in a way that was unexpected) and saying yes required getting over a shit ton of fear in the process.

Fear is a topic of conversation that comes up a lot, soooo wanna talk about some ways to kick that fear?

Cool, me too.

**First: Is This Something You REALLY Want?**

We can daydream all we want, and passively visualize, but when the opportunity is in front of us, a lot of people don’t. take. it. Why is this?

Fear usually signifies something, and it can be one of the following:

1. What if I’m not good enough?
2. What if I don’t deserve this?
3. What if I humiliate myself / fail / let someone down / everything else that fits into this mental box of madness?
4. What if this opportunity doesn’t come around again?*

*This last point, is the first one I want to address here. The fear that an opportunity is to good to be true, or may never come around again, can drive us to confuse fear of *losing* the opportunity with how much we actually want it.

Really assess whether or not you WANT this opportunity. I can’t say this enough. If you do override your fear and take the opportunity, you’re going to live in fear that you’ll lose it. Is it the thrill of the opportunity itself, and possibly never having it again, that’s bringing up the feelings of fear? Or do you truly want this opportunity and you’re just getting in your own way? If you’re coming at the opportunity from a sense of fantasy, thinking it’ll be easy, know that there’s challenge in every amazing opportunity, and you have to decide if that challenge is something you really WANT, or something you’re assuming just doesn’t exist.

As far as points 1-3, it’s human nature to feel imposter syndrome, or to be afraid of making mistakes. Some of my most successful friends still feel imposter syndrome, and it kicks in for me too. Knowing that, you can’t let it stop you. If you’ve put in the work, you know as much as you possibly can about the situation, experience, or opportunity, and you can have a sense of humor or learn from any mistakes you might make (and trust me — mistakes are inevitable in life) then you’re already well ahead of most people who let fear stop them.

Failing smartly, taking mistakes in stride, and being able to grow from your good and bad experiences, are all things that can never happen if you don’t get over your fear and take the chance in the first place.

Break Out BEST and WORST Scenarios

A big cause for fear is going deep into the depths of our minds and thinking of the worst possible thing that can happen, OR, imagining the fantastical BEST thing that can happen and becoming intimidated, while simultaneously ignoring the challenges of said success.

Kinda intimidating either way, right?

Weighing out the pros and cons may seem like a boring, and certainly unsexy activity, but lemme tell you… getting clarity on a situation can put you in a better state of mind, and also dispel some of the irrational fears you may have. Here’s an exercise that you can come back to:

Grab a piece of paper.
On the left side, put your “BEST” side. This is where we can explore all the ridiculously awesome things that can happen, should you conquer your fear and go through with whatever it is you’re holding back from. Make sure you leave a little room underneath each thing that you write down, because we’ll be going back to this.
On the right side, put your “WORST side. This is where we can explore those “what’s the worst that can happen” Oh… right.” scenarios.
Underneath each thing that you wrote down on the WORST side, write an actual solution for what you would do if that happened, and on the BEST side, write some of the challenges that this omgsoamazing part might bring.

The idea of doing this exercise is to balance obsessive thoughts over the best and worst scenarios, and realize that the solution is there, the challenges will be there, and now you know what that is and how to handle it. It’s kinda like how the dark is so scary because we imagine all of these monsters around us, even though we know exactly what’s in our room, and when the light gets turned on, we feel silly for being afraid in the first place.

The Laws of Equal and Opposite (Balance)

The exercise above should help you balance out your mind a bit. Know going into any situation that you’re afraid of, that the universe works in equilibrium. For every bad, there’s a good. For every good, there’s a bad. I’ve mentioned the pendulum effect in the past, and when you go to one extreme, you’re sure to hit the other. No one wants to LIVE in this state of a pendulum swinging nightmare, and should seek balance, but know that you won’t be stuck in one extreme if things go south, and you’re also armed with solutions now.

This also helps to stabilize any fantasy feelings of the absolute best thing that can happen; when we think of the best case scenario, sometimes logic and caution get thrown completely to the wind, which leaves us a bit unprepared after the initial WOW factor wears off.

Balance is what ultimately helps level out fear, but it takes a little bit of practice to get there.

Talk to People Smarter Than Us

A lot of fear stems from not being sure of an outcome, or feeling like you don’t know how to handle some of the ways situations can get squirrely if it’s something new to you. Talking to someone smarter or more experienced than you can let you see that someone else has been through it, and can give you feedback or advice to help you make the leap.

I was deep into thinking about something last weekend, where it was clear that the answer wasn’t coming to me. I knew the answer was out there somewhere, and I knew that the perspectives in my reach were ones that I was already familiar with, which meant I was likely think it wasn’t the advice that would help me.

If you think you should always be the smartest person in your circle, or even your peripheral circle, you’re setting yourself up for deceleration and lack of growth. My closest friends are all smarter than me in various ways.

When I’m chatting with people on the PermissionLESS podcast, I love asking them about mentorship – whether or not they’ve had mentors in their lives, what those mentors contributed to their overall growth, tips for finding mentors, and so on. Even if you don’t realize it, you *probably* have a mentor somewhere in your life right now.

Some misconceptions about mentors is that they have to be some “unattainable” person that you’ve somehow been lucky enough to fall into contact with, or that there’s only one mentor who can teach you something. That’s completely false. Mentors come in ALL shapes and sizes; I have friends who I consider mentors because they’ve been where I’m going, they’ve experienced successes and failures, and they have infinite words of wisdom. I return the favor as best I can.

The idea of Personal Advisory Boards and Stiletto Networks builds upon the mentorship concept as well, thought it’s slightly different. You can read about that here, once you get through this post.

Personal Advisory Board and Stiletto Network

Kill the Mental Gymnastics & Anxiety

We may not think that physical activity can help with fear, especially if it’s not related to said fear, but it can! Even if you don’t realize it, fear dances with anxiety, which increases your overall tension, which increases your overall stress. To kill the mental gymnastics and anxiety, taking that out physically may help give you clarity… we’re all different, but these are things that work for me. Fear often triggers “Fight or Flight”, so by giving your body or mind something to be occupied with, it takes the edge off the “flight” side of things without giving in to the actual fear and regressing. It’s a bit of mental trickery.

Walking and Talking / Thinking

I, for one, love taking walking and talking. It gets me out of my head when I’m in a state of fear or anxiety, and allows me to either chat the situation over with someone, or run it through my head in an enhanced mental state. Walking and talking, or walking and thinking, has been a recurring theme with a lot of people I talk to, and a lot of high achievers, like Steve Jobs, would use this in their lives as well. Working out in any way, shape, or form, releases endorphins. There’s a tonnnn of benefits to it, and if you’re teetering at the point of trying to make a decision that’s being smashed by fear, working out (even a little, over a few days) can possibly help clear your head.

Meditating

I mean… this is a hot point of contention amongst people, because the benefits are there but the actual act of meditating and clearing your mind of thoughts is a pretty big obstacle for people (myself included). I’m not going to take a turn here and talk about the benefits of meditation, but if you go into it YOUR WAY and work on it, it does leaps and bounds for mental gymnastics and anxiety. And if you’re like me, and tried to follow directions for meditating and got frustrated, then know this: I found success meditating my OWN way. I used apps like Headspace to start, but now I don’t use any kind of guided meditation. The act of simply holding space and meditating with silence (or, attempting to meditate) puts me in a state of awareness and out of my head after a few minutes. Give it a shot.

So… where are we left now?

Hopefully the fear monster can is tamed now… or at least submissive enough so we can level up without needing to constantly scold it out of existence.

There’s a lot of reasons for fear, both good and bad. Fear can sometimes prevent us from making a huge mistake (intuition can often come in the form of fear, but you’ll be able to tell the difference when you start really getting attuned to your inner voice) but fear can also be purely that: fear of not being good enough, failing, fear of something being too good to be true, fear of making mistakes, etc. We have to be better at deciphering these things in our minds.

We tend to have this image in our minds that the most successful people don’t have fear, and are ballsy risk takers, and while that’s true to an extent, a lot of that comes with fear management and channeling fear into something that actually moves a situation forward, rather than being a blocker. Each and every guest on the podcast has talked about fear in one way or another, and as you can see… it didn’t stop them from making incredible leaps.

So leap, you permissionless human, you. Know that fear is something you can channel and work with, and it doesn’t need to rule your life. You can coexist pretty peacefully.

The Value of Structured “NO”s

I’ve been contemplating some stuff lately and wanted to share it with you. Situations have come up lately where I have to try real hard not to get FOMO — not because I actually *want* to do the thing I’m saying no to, but because it’s an option in front of me. Typically I’m not a FOMO person, so I’ve been taking some time to refocus my energy and thoughts around what I want to say YES to, and what I want to say no to.

So what triggers me into feeling bad about saying no? Let’s see:

Thinking I’m letting someone down and they’ll hate me.
Thinking the most excitingggggg things will happen if I don’t go.
Feeling like others think I’m boring.
ME feeling like I’m being boring because I’m prioritizing certain things over others.

We all have different priorities and levels of focus, so if something works for you and helps you boss up, go with the flow! But how you feel and your decision to say yes or no shouldn’t be swayed by the opinions of others, unlesssssss you’re in a partnership or working together.

Today’s society seems to run on the word “yes.” How many times have you found yourself saying Yes to things out of invisible obligation, or for fear of letting someone down? Or simply because you feel you HAVE to? We’re surrounded by these external pressures every day.

We’ve been seeing the ramifications of this in the entertainment industry (and MANY other industries) when it comes to women in workplaces, and the pressure of having to agree, or say yes, to certain situations that may not be in our best interests. When society deems you as “difficult” because you’re a woman that says no, when you’re supposed to agree, it definitely makes you think twice about whether it’s your “right” to say no. SPOILER. It’s always your right to say no to something that doesn’t serve you, doesn’t feel right, wastes your time, takes you away from other important things, etc, but the problem is that society makes you feel like absolute crap when you do it.

In lighter situations, yes also has this sexy allure – “If I say yes, this COULD happen!” It has this magical power of turning all of the “What If” situations into a resounding “This WILL happen!” in our heads.

Yes always feels like the default, while “no” seems to be this elusive little beast that looks terrifying on the outside, but is soft, warm and OMG SOMETHING YOU DIDN’T KNOW YOU NEEDED on the inside. Think about your week. How many things have you taken on, said yes to, or added to your plate when they truly don’t align with your overall goal? Probably a lot. Keep in mind, sometimes it’s inevitable that we say yes to something that doesn’t align with those goals because we have to enjoy life, AMIRITE?

I know that this is something I struggled with a lot over the past few years, and I started getting a handle on it over the past 2 years when I needed to make dramatic shifts in my life and business. Control and structure HAD to be a part of that, especially in a creative space. There tends to be an image of creativity being slippery and seductive; not operating by traditional rules. But the truth is, structure helps creativity. And I needed it badly. Once I started saying No to things that seemed important at the time, but overall were frivolous, like ANOTHER networking event, ANOTHER conference, ANOTHER lunch, ANOTHER “do this for free and maybe it’ll lead to something!” scenario, it ended up giving me a much needed grasp on my mind, business, and life that I didn’t realize was lacking until I revealed it to myself.

BUTTTTT, I do believe there’s a strong exception to this rule. When you’re first starting out in a new field, adventure, industry, etc. there’s definite value to cutting your teeth and saying yes to A LOT of things, or simply choosing that you’ll say yes during a period of time and being open to the adventure. The key is knowing when it’s time to turn off the “yes” and turn on the “no” and being self aware of your decisions.

Currently, my default setting is No, and then I filter in whether or not it should be a yes. That doesn’t mean that it won’t change in the future, it just means that’s right where I am at this very moment. If I’m trying to decide whether something should be a yes or no, I run it through a filter and ask myself the following:

Does it take away time from something else? (Spoiler: it most likely does).
But if it’s taking time from something else, am I gaining an intangible? (like deepening a friendship, doing something I’m passionate about that makes me smile/laugh/get the warm and fuzzies)
Does it line up with my overall goal as a human, creative and business person?
Does it allow me to spend time with people that have my best interest at heart as a human being?
If it’s work related, does the time required equal to the same, or better yet, more, monetarily than what my typical hourly breaks down to be for my financial goals? If it’s less, I (typically) say no. Again, there are intangibles to account for.
Will I ENJOY this? If I get a sense of dread thinking about whether or not I should say yes, then I should probably say no. Your gut doesn’t usually lie.
Last year, I made a list of all the things I didn’t enjoy and didn’t want in my life (with exceptions). Does it involve any of those? For example, do I need to be in an office daily? No. Does it involve annoying amounts of meetings (that aren’t related to the creative process or production)? No. Am I at the mercy of someone else’s schedule? No.
Is this something that feeds my soul and makes me feel undoubtedly alive?!?!

It’s so easy to fall into the “YES” trap. Think about it; the majority of us grow up in families with siblings, and demanding family time. Then we go into school and the educational world, where the majority of our time is dictated by those schedules. Once we’re out of school, some people may go to college and some people start working — both of which have pre-created blocks of time that you *have* to show up for. Our brains aren’t trained to look at our lives and say “this is what I enjoy, this is what I don’t. It’s okay to say no or NOT have the things I dislike in my life.” Our brains are trained to succumb to how the majority of society handles their own time.

Fellow boss ladies and gents: We’re carving our lives to bring us both success and pleasure. It’s important to figure out the balance of YES and NO, so you can truly live your life by design, work hard, and play hard.

What are some factors that go into your decisions to take on a project, go to an event, and so on? Also, what are your “OMG THIS FEEDS MY SOUL AND I HAVE TO DO IT” non-negotiables that you need in your life?

Find Your Tribe: Stiletto Networks & Personal Advisory Boards

AUDIO:

The past few years have been a huge learning curve for me. Ever since leaving my agency 3+ years ago and diving into the entrepreneurship game, I’ve had to shake one of my primary habits: Being a lone wolf. 🐺

When I say “lone wolf” I’m exaggerating quiiiiite a bit, but anyone who knows me knows that I liked to operate swiftly, quickly, and most of the time I ended up doing it alone. Not because I thought I was superior, but because I was uncomfortable asking for help. I always thought I should know how to do everything myself, and if I didn’t, I was a failure if I couldn’t figure it out.

And GOD forbid I ask someone for help. It was like a death sentence for me. Well guess what? Things don’t scale that way in business, and relationships are what keep you sane. It’s boring AF. I truly realized the power of growing and learning with a group when myself and other collaborators launched a studio/creative collective last year. It had a good year run, and then we closed up shop in early 2017. What? You didn’t know about that?! Many people don’t. I took a LOT of lessons away from that which I’ll share at a later time, but the most important thing I took away was some close personal and professional relationships, and people that I’m proud to call my friends.

My point being, is during that time, I had to lean on a lot of close friends who have done the company rodeo thing, especially in the entertainment industry, for honest feedback and as a sounding board.

So… I’m going to let you in on a little secret and introduce to you two particular concepts that I’ve encountered in one way or another that’s helped me on my path to success through failure. Those concepts are the Stiletto Network and the Personal Advisory Board (PAB).

While they will seem similar in the beginning, the primary differences between these are,

The Stiletto Network is a mutually beneficial group.
The Personal Advisory Board is focused more inward and provides insight into your personal and professional challenges.

The Stiletto Network

When I first came across the concept of the “Stiletto Network” I have to admit; 1) Badass name. Anything that involves a stiletto and a “fight club” vibe is awesome in my book. 2) The concept behind it is extremely fascinating, and something that we’ve almost been doing but not quite hitting the mark on.

The concept of the stiletto network was coined by Pamela Ryckman. The best way to summarize it is probably how she does it on her website:

“During the past few years, women’s groups have been coalescing in every major American city. Formidable ladies across industries are convening at unprecedented rates; they’re forming dinner groups and networking circles, and collaborating not only to achieve clout and success, but also to create a more just, equal society.

Stiletto Network is about those groups: the “Babes in Boyland,” “Power Bitches,” and “S.L.U.T.S.: Successful Ladies Under Tremendous Stress.” It’s about what happens when bright, caring women—from captains of industry to aspiring Millennials to moms launching businesses in their basements—come together to celebrate and unwind, debate and compare notes. But it’s also about what happens when they leave the table, when the talking stops and the action starts.”

The “Boys Club” has existed for-ev-er, and there are still some country clubs that separate the men’s area from the women’s area. And the thought of there being more concentrated power in groups of men also extends to groups of women. The Stiletto Network can be extended to men or mixed gender groups as well. While the power of this network is in the fact that it’s primarily women (I mean, the name…) the concept is one that transcends gender. I actually think there’s immense power in men and women conspiring together, but let’s focus on the true meaning of the Stiletto Network and its benefit in our lives.

Not to make this sound like fight club (ok, I kind of want to make it sound like fight club, obvi because this is the second time I’ve mentioned it) but these are my interpretations of what will be needed to create or participate in a strong Stiletto Network (for either gender… but for the purpose of this, I’m referring to participants as women).

The Stiletto Network:

Should be created with intention and purpose. Sitting around and chatting while having a drink is great, until you realize that it’s all you’ve done. It doesn’t have to be as formal as coming in with an agenda, but be mindful that time is valuable and you’re all there for an underlying reason.
Should only be comprised of women you wholly trust. There may be sensitive information shared that shouldn’t leave the walls of your group.
While this isn’t a necessity, there will be a benefit in having women from multiple industries, disciplines and business acumen involved. The more vantage points and knowledge, the better.
Be highly selective about whom you invite in. I’m not saying this to be all Mean Girls, but what you get out of the group depends on who is invited to participate. No drama. Let me repeat this… No. Drama. No selfishness. No one who is only using you for your connections without anything to give back.
Ego should not be present either. With having all mixes of women together, each should be understanding of the other’s professional choices and what they bring to the table.
Don’t be afraid to ask for a favor and come in with the understanding that you’re all there to help each other. Asking for a favor, like putting in a good word and arranging an introduction with an investor that you’re close with, should be met with the willingness to extend a hand when needed. This is why it’s important to have people you trust that check their egos at the door.
There’s no specific place or way to meet; just be sure to consider privacy. Want to use someone’s highrise apartment and sit at the dining table while discussing current events to the sparkle of city lights? Or reserve a private backroom table at your favorite sushi restaurant? Do what feels right for your group.
Leverage this time to talk about game changing topics. Politics. Business. What you’re seeing in the financial markets. Industry trends. You want these meetings to be like a meeting of the minds, where you leave refreshed, excited, and with your mind slightly blown.

How do you find these unicorns? Start connecting and building relationships. Eventually you’ll connect on a deeper level and get past the annoying small talk we all hate. Try finding local meetups for women in business, women in entrepreneurship, women in (insert industry/group here). Meetup.com is a great place to find local events, or you can scour for local women focused organizations and see what they have coming up to participate in.

Spread out and go to conferences and events where you’ll find like-minded individuals. When you find “the ones” you’ll know — and it’s likely they’ll have someone in their corner they trust, and want to bring into your Stiletto Network too. It’ll start organically without you even realizing it. Propose the get togethers and see how they go. Don’t start them with any expectation and use them as a training ground to see how everyone interacts, and whether you’re building each other up with knowledge, truthbombs and interesting conversations, rather than spiraling.

Personal Advisory Board

The PAB, from my interpretation and how I choose to share the concept, is extremely similar to an advisory board that you would see within the company. IE: They’re not always individuals who are hands on in the daily operation of the “company” (you), but they have a holistic, personal and professional understanding of the company (you) and are looked upon to give guidance in tough situations.

Many times, people on advisory boards have different areas of expertise and different backgrounds, and have seen many successes and failures. They have history and grit.

When I described the Stiletto Network above, one of the main benefits was that it’s mutually beneficial; meaning, you purposely ask for a favor, knowing that you’ll give someone the hook up in return. The advisory board scenario is more about *you* needing feedback and having people around you to support you. You may not be on the “advisory board” of everyone who is on yours, and that’s okay.

For your PAB, here are some guidelines that I’ve found to be helpful:

Much like the Stiletto Network, jealousy (🎶heyyyyy jealousy!🎶) does NOT have a place.
This is preferably a mix of those who know you both professionally and personally. The Stiletto Network usually starts on the professional side, and then the personal comes with time. That is, of course, if you didn’t join with a fellow warrior who happens to be both a friend and someone you know professionally.
Unlike the Stiletto Network, the PAB isn’t really in place to talk about the happenings and going on in the world. They’re in place if you need specific help or feedback from varying sources.
Your PAB would benefit from having members that fill the gap or are the “strengths” to your “weaknesses.”
Your PAB members should feel comfortable sharing their experiences; the goal is for them to be able to provide perspective and options when you’re facing a difficult situation. You want honesty, not yes (wo)men.
Your PAB doesn’t have to be the same people all the time. You can only approach one or two when you need feedback, as opposed to everyone. Or, you may rotate someone into the mix that you don’t ask for feedback from often.

So, what’s the key difference? The Stiletto Network is fashioned as more of an event or club — a meeting of the minds, if you will. A Personal Advisory Board is ongoing. These people are your lifeline. They’re there for you through thick and thin when you’re having a business crisis, personal crisis (though hopefully not so much that) and are ready to give you feedback.

I’ve tried and had different versions of the above two things. My PAB is still going strong and has basically kept my sanity throughout the past few years of entrepreneurship. I don’t know where I would be without them.

And WHY do these things even matter? Because being a lone wolf is no fun. Life and business are driven by relationships, the joy others bring (and that YOU can bring to them) and different perspectives. We grow when we surround ourselves with people who are smarter than us, stronger in different disciplines, are the strengths to our weaknesses, or more experienced in areas we aren’t.

You need a tribe in your corner, and what better way to have people in your corner than to cultivate a tribe of the best ones?

You probably have one of these in place already, and you don’t even realize it! Do you prefer one over the other? Are you going to seek them out? Let me know ALL THE THINGS in the comments below! 👇🏼